Behind Closed Eyes
by Dragon in the Mist
Summary: Ed pines after his lost lover. This is his thoughts and feelings on the matter. Slash! Ed's lover is a secret so you'll have to read to find out! It's in my opinion a pretty rare pairing! Angsty!


A/N: Well one day after doing my homework I was very bored. I saw the FMA picture on my assignment notebook and thought, 'I think I wanna write a story about that!' So I did, and here it is. It is a one-shot with little chance of sequel though. Pairing reveled at the end! By the way it's not incestuous!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did there would be mass slash and everyone would be gay. So obviously I own nothing but my notebook.

Behind Closed Eyes

My golden eyes met another that were so like my own. The visage smiles. He had always checked up on me. His black hair glints in the dying sun as the vague image came closer to run his thumb gently over my cheek. He may have been married, but even now, in foggy dead eyes, I can see his love for me. The fact that he's here, with me, not with HER, it makes me so happy.

Al and I are trying to regain what we've lost, but it pains me to say he's out of our reach. We always met far away from others, where no one would ever come looking for us. Each time before we made love he would apologize to HER. HER, who was there when I could not. I'm fifteen, I'm jealous, the only man I've ever loved I had to share. Ah, he must realize what I'm thinking because he's drawn me into a hug. His large hand, much larger than mine, run through my hair. They used to be warm, his hands that is, but they're cold now.

He doesn't speak; he never does when he comes to visit me now. I know Al's worried, he realizes I've been down lately, but I can't tell him. He'd never understand, I know it was wrong, but I love him so much. The way he looked at me, the way he's looking at me now, his eyes sparkle and even now hold so much warmth. I lean against him. He knows how sad I am now without him, but there's nothing we can do now. It just makes me hate that freak even more, he did this, but he'll get his just desserts soon enough.

He realizes what I'm thinking again. The scenery changes to the beautiful park we met at once. That was the first time we kissed. It had been so wonderful; it can still bring a smile to my face. He pulls back from our embrace and looks deep into my eyes. I see the worry in his. I remember, back during the time Scar was big on the prowl, every time we saw each other he'd look at me with such worry that it always brought a warm feeling to my heart.

The only one who ever found out was Winry; she walked in on us kissing once. First she ranted, then she cried, then she accepted it and was happy for us. She held me as I stared off into space after you left. She knew I refused to cry. So she did for me, just as she usually does. Al doesn't and never suspected a thing. He just figured she was being emotional. A few times, you, Winry, and I had lunch together, those times made me so happy. I remember them well. He's kissing me now, gently on the lips. I know what's coming.

I can think of those happy moments without being depressed now a days. I've known him but a few short years, at first I tried denying how much I loved him, it was so wrong I tried reasoning with myself. But I could never stop loving him. Maybe if I had accepted my feelings sooner we could have had more time together. I know I should let go and stop letting him visit like this. But I'm not quite over it yet. When I am I know he will be gone for good. I smile sadly, but it's getting less painful. Maybe by the time we have our own bodys back I'll be able to let him finally rest in peace.

He kisses me on the forehead and takes a step away. I fall to my knees and bow my head. I don't want to see this. But at the last second I look up to see him fade away. I wake up from my dream and look out the window. "Are you okay Nii-san?" Al asks quietly from my left. "Yeah it was just a nightmare, don't worry!" I smile brightly at him before turning away. I frown. I'm not okay. But one day, one day I will be.

Oh Hughes, my dear Maes Hughes. One day I'll be okay, I promised that on your grave. I keep my promises. It's equivalent exchange, sort of. You may be gone, but once I'm over it your memory will only make me stronger. It'll fuel my will to finish this quest we started so long ago. In my dreams the sun is always setting. But right now it's rising, a new day. I'm not over it yet, but the future is bright. Maes you may be gone now, but I'll see you again someday. After all, one is all, all is one, when everything's said and done it's equivalent trade.

A/N: Well that's it! Sad yes I know! I wonder how many of you figured out whom Ed's lover was before I said it! If you didn't get it Ed is seeing Hughes in his dreams, hence the title! Anyway if I get enough persuasion I might write more like this, or even a sequel. Hope you all enjoyed now please review and then read my other stories, please!


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